News

A very chucklesome link today - a Russian policeman lost his rag at a protester in some kind of riot/protest, tried to demonstrate his feelings by punching the woman but punched her child instead. The child tried to fight back with a complex series of jabs, but was restrained by her mother*. The actual story can be found at the BBC here.

(* NOT TRUE)

A few updates of the updatey kind today. BeardWatch has now finished, due to an incident on Saturday night. Bloody bouncers. Plus, there's a new vote for you guys to vote in, this time between two Eastenders women.

I don't think there's anything more to say. Nope, nothing else has happened.

Woooo! A new feature (well, it's not really a feature) has made it's way onto thestoreroom.tk. Now you can send me an SMS text message right to my mobile phone. Whether I'll actually get the SMS, read it or even acknowledge it is debatable.

Anyway, start texting here, you'll only be able to send 15 per day. I can get more, but it means more work...

I've updated a few of the features for you ungrateful bastards (join the mailing list please). Here's the lowdown:

• BeardWatch is still going strong, now 23 days into the experiment and I haven't got rid of it yet...
• Photoshop Phun has been added to, with a trio of new Photoshops appearing magically at the top of the page...
• Neighbours Laydeez - your votes have been collected and counted and an astonishing 95% of you lot agree with me, that Susan is best. I am so great.
• And techy crap now, I've changed the way the photos are stored, so hopefully it'll be easier to update, add and change photos. And comments will be along soon.

Shit me - did I poop myself yesterday. Here's a little story about my drive back up to Bristol:

I start my journey back to Bristol quite slowly, pootling along at 60-70mph purely because my head hurt from the night before. I soon get tired of following some crappy estate so I decide to put my foot down. About a mile down the road, I hit 80mph (wooo!). I'm now in the outside lane, streaking past cars.

A little backstory here, and this is important. I attempted to do further mods to my car on Saturday, and in the process snapped off my rear view mirror. So I had to drive back to Bristol without a rear view mirror. Bear this in mind when you read the next bit...

Just as I get to Junction 25, I look in my side mirrors to see the looming shape of a Police car. Cue increased heart rate, blood pressure, sweating and slight staining of underwear. My thoughts at this time were something like 'Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck'. Already travelling at my car's practical maximum speed, I had no choice but to continue the overtaking manouver that I was currently engaged in. It went on forever. Also, bearing in mind the fact that I was missing a rear view mirror convinced me I was going to be ass-raped and possibly beaten by the traffic-nazis.

As I was nearing completion of the overtake, still travelling at about 80mph, the Police flashed their lights. Cue even higher heart rate, blood pressure through the roof and complete evacuation of my poo-pipe. I eventually complete the overtaking process, and prepare for the short journey to the hard shoulder. The Police sweep past me and pull into the middle lane in front. I patiently wait for the car to indicate to the left and pull me over. But it never happens. The Police zoom off apparantly in search of donuts or something. I probably made an audible sigh of relief. I can't tell because it felt like I was in a dream.

A few miles down the road and I meet the Police car again, this time he'd stopped an MPV with kids in the back and a wife sitting in the front - probably immigrants or something. I point and laugh and make my merry way back to Bristol. The rest of the journey was tame compared to the early excitement. Never again will I go without a rear view mirror or speed on the motorway. EVER.

Found yet more disturbing internet pages thanks to the forums at Something Awful, and I'll present a little selection for you here

• A great set of animated gifs explaining a whole range of sexual acts, including Dirty Sanchez and Dog Fucking:
  
• Next up is a rather disturbing guide on How to have Sex with Dogs. There are people out there who want to spread the word on how exciting and fulfilling a doggy-human sex session can be. Weird fuckers.
• Another classic guide similar to the previous, this time a useful guide: Necrophilia for Dummies. Oh Jesus. Here's a quote:

  So now you've got a stiff lying seductively in front of you, but you have no idea how to start. How you proceed from this point onward really depends upon what kind of person you are. The corpse will last longer if you treat it gently and with care, but if you prefer to go all out you'll probably receive greater satisfaction. There are many differences between screwing a live and a dead person which one needs to be aware of...