News

Well, it's that time of year again - Christmas. I'm still at work, and badly want to go home. Boo.

Anyway, Merry Christmas to all you dudes who visit this place, even though I rarely update and the forum is deader than a dead thing. Maybe in the new year I'll finish the 6 or so features I've half-written and actually get more photos on the site. Maybe.

Sup dudes? I've finally got off my big fat hairy arse and uploaded a few new photos to this shitstain of a site. 19 pics from Hallowe'en are now in, and there'll be a few videos to follow, as well as some pics from the big night out (in) up in London. As soon as I can weed out which ones to show and which to hide. So click the photos below to get going...

Thanks to all the dudes who came along to the debauched (and it certainly was debauched) party up in London last weekend. I'm just about back to normal, despite this shitty cold I've picked up. Anyways, back to the grindstone and all that, so here's an update which I've had written for about 2 months now and been too lazy to upload. More Swearing Science!

Enjoy...

The date has been set, the location is being prepped and transport is being arranged: The London debauchery is less than 2 weeks away, so get ready.

If you're coming along, mail me and we'll sort something out.

It's the next Internet craze to sweep the nation, it's the next All Your Base, it's the next stupid Internet fad. It's Badgers.

Well, I found it funny.

...and I'll cry if I want to. I turn 23 today.

Yay.

It's official - next Friday, the 29th August 2003 is to be the first thestoreroom.tk No-Pants day. A whole day spent going Commando. Think of the freedom, think of the unrivalled airflow... You know you want to. You owe it to your genitalia to free them from the opressive regime of underwear, they've been kept in pants for so long.

You may be scared of chafing injuries - that's perfectly understandable - going pant-less for the first time is a nerve-wracking experience but is exhilarating at the same time. Think of the satisfaction of sitting in that all-important meeting discussing targets, ballparks and back burners, while all the time thinking to yourself "I'm not wearing any pants".

Those of you with the balls to join in with this mighty crusade, report in this thread in the forums.

It must be a slow news day for the hardworking reporters over at the BBC news online office - they've resorted to churning out the most ridiculous stories imaginable. Take this one for example:

"A man who simulated sex with a traffic cone in an Edinburgh street has escaped with a warning after appearing in court.
Ross Watt, 34, is a registered sex offender with previous convictions that include simulating sex with a training shoe in a public place."

Not content with reporting such important breaking news, they also can't be bothered to even write proper news stories anymore. Instead, they just take the autocue text and whack it on the site, as demonstrated in this fine article... Who'd have thought the BBC could be such a repository of comedy gold, eh?

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. Thanks to storeroom regular (and brother of mine) Bloo Thunder, my dog William is now famous - in FHM of all things. It's just a damn shame the poor little dude is dead.

RIP Will, you were a fucking great dog.

Holy shit, my creative juices have been spilling out all over the place recently and I've managed to catch some in the computer. Must be the hot weather.

Anyway, enough of the innuendos, I've got a new feature for you boys and girls to read - and not only is this one funny, it's educational too. If you've ever been confused while watching Horizon because they keep using big words then this is the feature for you!

Swearing Science tells you the motherfucking facts about science and other complicated shit like that. There's no bullshit with Dr Cock, he tells it like it is. Motherfucking word, bitches.

A brand-new, never seen before feature has somehow spunked it's way onto thestoreroom.tk - the super happy fun random image surprise server. Using a complicated formula involving big numbers and the letter 'x', the surprise server will pick a completely random picture for you to view. Some are funny, some are wierd, some are a bit odd, but they're all completely random.

So what're you waiting for? Get some randomness in your life!

Alright dudes, I finally got round to writing up the exciting and informative diary of our trip to Egypt which we took over a month ago. Full with pictures and witty writing, you can have a look at the report here.

Fame at last! Well, kind of. Remember those freaky cat pictures that were around a while ago? They've made it into the SomethingAwful Comedy Goldmine, not just one but a whole handful of 'em.

Have a look at my stunning artistry here and here.

Well, I'm back from Egypt and didn't die as a result of a suicide bomber/plane crash/watersports accident/fatal diarrhoea incident - lucky, I guess. Anyway, my poos still have the consistancy of lumpy chocolate blancmange and my shoulders are slowly peeling to reveal my normal pink colour, so I'm still left with a few mementos of the journey.

Picture, and a full report might be up sometime in the near future. That's if I can get away from the toilet for more than a few minutes at a time.

Fuck, here it goes again...

The internet is littered with unfunny, mind-numbing and often epileptic-fit-inducing Flash animations often seen distributed in those hilariously awful forwarded email which make up 90% of all network traffic in companies. But every so often, you can find a masterpiece nestling amongst the shit. This is one of these pieces of art.

Smurfs - The Lost Episode is, to put it in simple terms, fucking brilliant. Any kind of animation which features Papa Smurf singing "Yeah, lick my ass, bitch" gets a thumbs up in my book.

Ever wanted to hear your favourite 'rawk' tunes played on an acoustic guitar and sung along to by a Frenchman with a strong accent? Then you're in luck, chief! Grum Lee comes to the rescue with his amazing collection of mp3s with a whole range of songs from my personal favourite Andrew WK, through Clawfinger to System of a Down.

I'm ze biggest, ze best, better zan ze rest, better zan ze rest...

As I wander through the vast wilderness that is the Interweb, occasionally I stumble across a true gem, found gleaming in the rough dirt. This is such a gem.

Visit this wonderful website promoting one of the best pubs in the country. The Foul Mouthed Cunt is a charming country pub set in the rolling hills of Dorset. Critically acclaimed by all who visit, the pub has a unique atmosphere:

Why not sit back back and enjoy yourself in front of one of our five carefully controlled fires? There is no blaring music, no video game cacophony. Just the gentle art of conversation, good food and twenty four Air hockey tables.

Classic.

I crashed my bike yesterday into a 12 year old kid. Read the full scoop including HOT HOT MSPAINT ACTION here and give me sympathy, bitches.

Or, just feel free to spit vitriol at me for smacking into a child...

A quick update (yeah, I know it's been a while) to wish my brother Dave a happy 31st birthday. There's no present or anything, because, well, I forgot. But here's a picture I hope you'll enjoy:

Enjoy!

Alright dudes, a few more photos added, these ones are from Mart's 23rd birthday in the George. What a class night.

Click on the photo, have a browse, have a laugh. It's all good.

I love fake legal threats that people make on the Internet... This was posted on the uk.rec.cars.modifications newsgroup a while ago about the car modification guide:

wonder if he finds it so funny when I forward it to my bosses and hes forced to remove the halfords and ripspeed names?

--
Andy

Have a look at Andy's lawyering threat here. I'm going to be lawyered by Halfords!

13 more photos added, split between Christmas Eve 2002 and some more firework pictures.

Click?

I've finished geeking around now.

In other news, I'VE GOT AN INTERVIEW.

Just to let all you people know, there will be some downtime soon (very soon) so I can sort the domain out. Basically, I've got to do a whole load of geeky shit so the site will work better.

So until then, here's a picture for your enjoyment.

Cunt Colouring Book
While away those winter nights by colouring sketches of vulvas, labia and clitoris's (clitorii?). Break out those crayons and remember, STAY WITHIN THE LINES.

A Hand in the Bush [The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting]
Confused by the agonised screams of your partner when you try some fisting? Then read up on this fascinating subject before attempting this advanced form of love-making.

My Husband Wears My Clothes [Crossdressing from the Perspective of a Wife]
Has your husband started wearing your Ann Summers crotchless panties? Have you found that your size 10 little black dress is now horribly stretched and deformed? Then your husband may be a transvestite.

The Best American Shit Stories 2002
A highly amusing collection of tales from the US of A, such as the time a man went for such an enormous dump, his brain fell out of his arse. Sadly, this book features no coprophilia (shit-eating).

How to Have Sex in the Woods
Essential for anyone living within a few miles of woodland, this handy guide details how to avoid detection, the best way to utilise forest furniture and other ways to make loving in the forest fun. And less dangerous.

Wow.

Trawling through the logs that record what goes on here, I can see how people stumble upon this site. Most people come from links to the car modding guide, but the other source is from search engines. And what people search for truly scares me. Here's just a select few:

15yr old fanny pics - I hope he's America...
demons raping girls - Fucking anime freaks, they're all paedophiles.
SCHOOLGIRL INCEST - Urgh.
john kettley weatherman video - Amusing, but sadly not present here.
laura eastenders porn - WHY?!?!! For the love of God, WHY?
Japanese "funny eyes" - Why would anyone search for this?
hentai bestiality - I told you the Internet was sick.
raping children anime - see above, only much worse.
hot cum forums - why here?

And there's always the sea of "kitted up clio" and "body kit for Rover Metro 1.1s" that come flooding in. But that really isn't interesting, is it? When compared to "laura eastenders porn", anyway.

Yes, I've actually done some work to this place and got some more space to store photos and stuff. I've managed to add 26 new photos, bringing the total to a massive 146 photos now available. There's a couple of new categories, and a few more miscellaneous pics including some firework photos...

Anyway, click away below to be taken to the new photos. I hope you enjoy.

A Russian man had to be rescued after his penis stuck to a frozen bus shelter while he was urinating.

The young man was on his way home from a bar in the southern city of Stavropol, in temperatures of -30C. He stopped to urinate, leaning against the bus shelter for support, but swayed at a crucial moment and his penis stuck to the frozen metal.

The BBC reports the man was apparently taken by surprise by the cold temperatures, as Stavropol is normally one of the warmest Russian regions. A large crowd gathered, shouting advice. Finally passerby Valery Levchenko was able to free the man using a kettle of warm water borrowed from a chemist.

The man reportedly refused further medical help before running off.

The story was taken from here. You can just picture the scene, can't you...

The local paper carried this hot exclusive yesterday. Luckily, most of the windows in my house are sprout-proof so the perpetrators won't be breaking any of ours with the unpopular vegetable.

Thinking about it, how the hell can a sprout break a window? It must have been a solid, frozen sprout or an exceptionally weak window...